Friday, April 18, 2014

A Mother Lost: Year 2

Today marks two years since I lost my Mama. The best woman I ever knew, the woman who raised me, who taught me how to be strong and to roll with the punches. I'm a Mama's girl, through and through.

I was there, when she passed. Right there with her, just me and her. I'd never seen anyone die before. I wasn't prepared for it at all. She'd been sick all of my life and most of her own, though the cancer was a more recent development. I thought she could beat anything. She always had before. Things that would've killed her, should've killed her, didn't. She survived, and fought with all her strength to keep going.

There's so much I wish she could've been there for. Not just the big things, like my marriage or graduation, but the little things. The everyday things. Until she died, there wasn't a day that passed without us speaking. If we weren't together in person, we were talking on the phone.

She was a worrywart. Her motto was, "Don't just sit there! Worry!" but she always laughed at herself about it. She smiled a lot, and always found something to be happy about, even though she wasn't well.

We used to read together. Some people watch TV shows or movies (okay, we did that too), but we'd go into the living room, pick our spots, and just read for hours. When we got the chance to go out to eat, we'd bring books and sometimes read there too, though we'd often talk as well.

Today marks the day when her body couldn't contain her any longer, but her spirit lives on. She's not forgotten. Goodness, I can't think of a person who ever met her who forgot her. Even if they met her just once. When she smiled, she beamed, and you could feel the warmth of it. Her deep brown eyes sparkled, and she wore her heart right there on her sleeve.

I love you still, Mama, and you live on in my heart and the memories of everyone you touched.


Mama had Stage IV Metastatic Breast Cancer, Hormone Positive. It spread throughout her body very fast, and it killed her. Please, please, please check yourself. Do self-exams, help your lovers with them, get them done at your check-ups. If you feel anything suspicious, tell your doctor, or go to a free clinic to get some help. It's so important to catch it early. The earlier you catch it, the better the chance of obliterating the bastard.

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